🌳 Mary's Story: When the Banana Tree Changed Everything
💥 The Accident
I was young, full of life and dreams. Then came the day that divided my life into "before" and "after."
A banana tree accident. That's all it takes sometimes - one moment, and your entire future changes trajectory.
The injury left me disabled. My legs, which once carried me freely through our village, now needed support. Walking became a challenge. Independence became complicated.
But life had more in store for me.
👶 Against All Odds: Motherhood
👭 Two Daughters
Despite my disability, I became pregnant. Not once, but twice.
Many people in our community couldn't understand it. How could a disabled woman have children? The whispers started even before my daughters were born.
But I gave birth to two beautiful daughters:
- Lydia - my secondborn, who would later develop her own disabilities
- Her elder sister - who is able-bodied
🚫 The In-Laws' Rejection
When my daughters were born, I thought their father's family would embrace us. Instead, I faced something worse than physical disability: complete rejection.
The in-laws wanted nothing to do with me or my children. In their eyes:
- I was disabled, therefore "less than"
- My children were born to a disabled woman - a mark against them
- We were not worthy of the family name
Their father's family turned their backs on us. No support. No acknowledgment. No mercy.
Two innocent children and their disabled mother - abandoned.
❓ Lydia's Mysterious Journey
🏃♀️ A Healthy Start
Lydia was born able-bodied. For her early years, she ran, played, and moved like any other child. We had hope that at least she would be spared what I endured.
Then something changed.
🦵 The Progressive Disability
Around age 10-11, Lydia began experiencing changes no doctor could fully explain:
- Her legs started weakening
- Walking became increasingly difficult
- Her spine began developing issues
- Progressive physical limitations set in
We don't know why.
Was it genetic? Environmental? A delayed manifestation of something present from birth? Medical care in rural Kenya is scarce, and specialists are expensive. We may never have answers.
What we know is this: My daughter, who once ran freely, now struggles with mobility just like her mother.
⚖️ The Weight of Two Disabilities
👩👧 Mother and Daughter
Now we face the world together - two disabled women trying to survive in a society that already marginalizes the able-bodied poor.
Our daily reality:
- Neither of us can work traditional manual labor jobs
- We can't farm effectively - the primary income source in rural Kenya
- We can't travel easily for opportunities
- We depend on each other, but both of us need help
- Lydia's younger sister helps, but she has her own life to build
🔇 The In-Laws' Continued Silence
Even after Lydia developed disabilities - even as they watched their granddaughter struggle - the in-laws maintained their rejection.
No offers of help. No medical support. No acknowledgment that this child is part of their bloodline.
Disability, it seems, is an unforgivable sin in their eyes.
💕 Romance, Body Image, and Disability
🤫 The Unspoken Struggle
Let's talk about what nobody discusses: disabled women and romantic relationships.
The world assumes we don't have:
- Romantic desires
- Physical needs
- Dreams of partnership
- Rights to intimacy
👩 Mary's Experience
I had relationships. I had children. But romance when you're disabled is complicated by:
Physical challenges:
- Can't move easily or freely
- Dependence on others for basic mobility
- Constant pain and fatigue
- Limited ability to engage in "normal" courtship activities
Emotional burdens:
- Feeling like a burden to any partner
- Constant fear of abandonment (which eventually happened)
- Society's judgment: "Why would anyone want a disabled woman?"
- Family pressure and rejection
Body image:
- My legs don't work like others'
- I can't dress fashionably in ways that require standing/walking
- Traditional beauty standards exclude disabled bodies
- Constant comparison to able-bodied women
👧 Lydia's Current Struggle
Lydia is now a young woman. She has:
- Dreams of romance
- Desires for normal teenage/young adult experiences
- Hope for future relationships
But she also faces:
Deepening insecurity:
- "Why would anyone want me when I can't even walk properly?"
- "My own father's family rejected me - why would strangers accept me?"
- "I'm disabled like my mother - will I face the same rejection?"
Limited social opportunities:
- Can't go to social events easily
- Can't participate in community activities
- Physical limitations restrict dating options
- Transportation challenges isolate her further
The lightning strike scars:
- Facial disfigurement from the 2017 lightning strike (more on this in another post)
- Added another layer to body image struggles
- "Now I'm disabled AND scarred"
❔ The Questions Nobody Asks
For Mary:
"How did you have children while disabled?"
The same way any woman does. My reproductive system works. My legs don't. People conflate the two as if disability makes you less human, less sexual, less deserving of family.
"Why did their father leave?"
Because society taught him that a disabled woman is temporary, not someone you build a life with. Because his family rejected us. Because he could find an able-bodied woman with "less complications."
"Don't you regret having children?"
Never. Not for one second. My daughters are my purpose. Even with all our struggles, they are the reason I fight every day.
For Lydia:
"How does it feel watching your mother struggle, knowing you might face the same future?"
Terrifying. I see my mother's exhaustion, her pain, her constant battles. And I think: "Is this my future? Will I also be rejected? Will I also be alone?"
"Do you blame your mother for your disability?"
Never. Whatever caused my condition, it wasn't her fault. She's my hero, not my villain. We face this together.
"Do you think you'll find love?"
(Lydia's answer) "I want to. But I'm scared. I've watched how society treats disabled women. I've felt the rejection from my own family. Why would a stranger see value in me when my own blood doesn't?"
🎭 The Body Image Battle
👁️ What Society Sees:
- Broken bodies
- Burdens
- Objects of pity
- Incomplete humans
- Asexual beings
- Economic liabilities
✨ What We Actually Are:
- Whole people with complex emotions
- Women with dreams, desires, and dignity
- Survivors of extraordinary circumstances
- Fighters who wake up every day despite the odds
- Mothers, daughters, humans - not disabilities with bodies attached
🏝️ The Isolation of Disability + Poverty
In wealthy countries, disabled people have:
- Dating apps with accessibility features
- Adaptive equipment that enables independence
- Disability communities and support groups
- Legal protections against discrimination
- Medical care and pain management
In rural Kenya, disabled women have:
- Social isolation
- Limited mobility aids
- No community support systems
- No legal protections
- Constant physical pain with minimal relief
- Zero romantic prospects because we're seen as liabilities
📢 Our Message to the World
👋 To Able-Bodied People:
Stop assuming disabled people don't have:
- Sexual desires
- Romantic needs
- Body image concerns
- Rights to partnership and intimacy
We're not asexual. We're not undesirable. We're not "broken" in ways that matter to love.
Disability affects our mobility, not our humanity.
💪 To Disabled Women Everywhere:
You are not alone in feeling:
- Undesirable
- Like a burden
- Afraid of rejection
- Frustrated by your body
- Angry at the limitations
But also know:
- Your worth is not determined by your mobility
- Your body tells a story of survival
- The right person will see your whole self, not just your disability
- You deserve love, respect, and dignity - not charity or pity
💝 To Potential Donors:
When you help us with:
- Wheelchairs and mobility aids
- Better housing
- Medical care
- Financial stability
You're not just addressing physical needs. You're restoring dignity. You're enabling social participation. You're giving us the independence needed to build relationships from a position of strength, not desperation.
📖 The Unfinished Story
This isn't a story with a happy ending - yet. We don't have:
- Romantic partners who stayed
- Financial security
- Full mobility
- Social acceptance
- Family support
But we have:
- Each other
- Hope
- Fight
- Stories worth telling
- Dreams still worth pursuing
And maybe, with your help, we can write a better next chapter.
💎 Why This Story Matters
Most charity appeals show disabled people as:
- Objects of pity
- Helpless victims
- One-dimensional needs
We're showing you:
- Complex humans with romantic desires, body image struggles, and family drama
- Real women who've faced rejection, abandonment, and discrimination
- Survivors who keep fighting despite everything
When you donate to AbleHearts, you're not just "helping the disabled." You're supporting two women who:
- Want normal lives
- Deserve dignity
- Have dreams beyond survival
- Are whole people, not just disabilities
Read about the 2017 lightning strike that scarred Lydia and nearly killed our family.
Learn Why AbleHearts Was Born and why direct giving matters.
See our Urgent Medical Needs and how you can help restore mobility and dignity.